Greetings everyone, and welcome to another edition of the news you wish were the news every single day of the year.
I have to admit that 2010 has kind of a dark theme to some of the funniest events, especially concerning President Obama and his personal plague of vermin.
I mean, come on. Have we ever seen a commander in chief with such a magnetic attraction for flies, bees and rats?
White House buzz
Let's start with the fly that just couldn't seem to get enough of Mr. Obama. During a speech by the president June 22, this single insect found Obama's words so enthralling, it just had to become one with the face of "the One."
In fact, despite the president's best efforts to shoo the fly away, the pest made a succesful landing on Obama's face, prompting many websites to dub him "Lord of the Flies."
President Obama's official 2010 portrait: "Come fly with me."
Radio and TV host Glenn Beck remarked: "Does he have nerve endings in his face? Seriously, have you ever had a fly walk across your face and you left it there?"
Now that we know Obama's not a no-fly zone, it's also strange to recall how a swarm of bees delayed his important court business on a basketball court.
According to the Hill, a swarm of "thousands of bees" gathered outside the White House in May. The small army of insects hovered as Obama tried to leave 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to shoot hoop at Fort McNair. And by the time the president returned at noon, the bees were mysteriously nowhere in sight.
Just days later, some sort of rodent scurried in front of the president as he was delivering a speech on the steps of the White House.
There's so many times we've crashed and burned, Seems like the colonel would finally learn Our Russian jets don't make good submarines. We fly out to protect our nation, And use seat bottoms for floatation. The water's warm, and we're good swimmers too. So kiss me and smile for me, Call my folks in Tripoli, Tell them that Khadafi made me go. I'm a Libyan on a jet plane, Don't know if I'll be back again. Muammar, I hate to go. Aircraft carrier J.F.K. Come to blow our chemical plant away, But we keep telling them it's just pharmaceutical. So kiss me and smile for me, Call my folks in Tripoli, Tell them that Khadafi made me go. I'm a Libyan on a jet plane, Don't know if I'll be back again. Muammar, I hate to go. Now the time has come to leave you, One more time let me kiss you, Then close your eyes, I'll be on my way. Dream about the days to come, When I won't need my mobile phone, Hope it doesn't blow you're face away. So miss me and pray for me, Bow down to the East for me, Kneel and gently kiss my butt goodbye. I'm a Libyan on a jet plane, Don't know if I'll be back again. Muammar, I hate to go. A Libyan on a jet plane, Don't know if I'll be back again.
WHEN the creators of “Airplane!”
were lining up actors for their rollicking parody three decades ago,
some of the straight-arrow character actors that ended up in the cast
worried about the harm it might do to their careers. One of the most
skittish participants: Peter Graves, the taciturn “Mission:
Impossible” star who played the movie’s pilot, a kindly veteran who
welcomes a little boy named Billy into the cockpit and asks questions
like “Ever seen a grown man naked?” Read More>>>>>>>
One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila’s army had
conquered all of Asia by 450 AD-from Mongolia to the edge of the
Russian Empire-by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside.
How he died:
He got a nosebleed on his wedding night.In 453 AD, Attila married a
young girl named Ildico. Despite his reputation for ferocity on the
battlefield, he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets.
On his wedding night, however, he really cut loose, gorging himself on
food and drink. Sometime during the night he suffered a nosebleed, but
was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead
the next morning.
An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking
research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity.
How he died:
Didn’t get to the bathroom in time. In the 16th century, it was
considered an insult to leave a banquet table before the meal was over.
Brahe, known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition-but failed
to relieve himself before the banquet started. He made matters worse by
drinking too much at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused.
His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully over the
next 11 days.
Pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s
How he died:
Used anesthetics to commit suicide. While experimenting with various
gases during his anesthesia research, Wells became addicted to
chloroform. In 1848 he was arrested for spraying two women with
sulfuric acid. In a letter he wrote from jail, he blamed chloroform for
his problems, claiming that he’d gotten high before the attack. Four
days later he was found dead in his cell. He’d anaesthetized himself
with chloroform and slashed open his thigh with a razor.
One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A
statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even
rumored to have written some of Shakespeare’s plays.
How he died:
Stuffing snow into a chicken One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching
a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could
be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined
to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it,
and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken
full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but Bacon did.
Jerome Irving Rodale
Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of “Organic
Farming and Gardening” magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major
How he died: On the
“Dick Cavett Show”, while discussing the benefits of organic foods.
Rodale, who bragged “I’m going to live to be 100 unless I’m run down by
a sugar-crazed taxi driver,” was only 72 when he appeared on the “Dick
Cavett Show” in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he
dropped dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show was
A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the father of Greek tragedies.
How he died:
An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head According to legend, eagles
picked up tortoises and attempt to crack them open by dropping them on
rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus’ head for a rock (he was bald) and
dropped it on him instead.
Author of the best selling “Complete Book of Running,” which started the jogging craze of the 1970s.
How he died:
A heart attack….while jogging Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont
when he walked out of his house and began jogging. He’d only gone a
short distance when he had a massive coronary. His autopsy revealed
that one of his coronary arteries was 99% clogged, another was 80%
obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked….and that Fixx had had three
other attacks in the weeks prior to his death.